Return from the Drought

Peace Ya'll

I'm back from my long hiatus...been dealing with a lot of stress (school, women, you know the usual) so I haven't really had the urge to sit down and type my thoughts out on this blog, but I decided today was the day.

I think a lot. Those who know me personally can attest to that fact. I also realize that as much as I used to try to change the way other people think and open them up to the realities that I now envision, that is almost entirely impossible at this stage in my life. I am 19 years old, (turned Sept. 10), and it still strikes me odd when people bash Hip Hop. I thought we came far from where we used to be, but I can understand their malcontent for the art form. What "Hip Hop" today is nothing but a popularity contest between super ego caricatures about who has the most "swagger", the most money, the most "bitches" whatever it may be...

Music is the least of my worries, in fact I no longer indulge in other people's opinions of music, at least to the degree that I used to. I just listen to whatever I listen to and enjoy it. My problem used to be caring what other people thought of my thoughts. It's a problem I still have and that is taking discipline to remove...thought I know it's human nature to do so, I realize there are just so many more important things in this world to worry about...family being number one.

On to another topic though...another day, another trek through this thing we call life...I seriously believe that I may be depressed. Why? Just because I think too much...I've thought about almost every outcome of my life and I just don't see the point of college...my true passion lies in music, and music that is on it's "disco deathbed" at that...not to mention the way the country is headed, imma need money to get me through the tough times...so I have to get that "piece of paper" that will allow me to make a lot of "pieces of paper" if you follow me...it's all a race to nothingness.

I guess what I can sum this post up as is that this past month and a half I have been at odds with the very fabric of "self". Trying to really get in touch with who I am and what I am here for. Can't say I'm any closer, but at least you know where my head is at.

More to come...

Close Edge

You know, the only way to start this post is to begin with the setting that I currently find myself in... I'm sitting in my room at 1:31 AM in the morning on what was a Friday night, completely wasted (Nah not literally). It seems that I find myself here more than I would like, but I try not to focus on the negative. The negative seems to always find its way to the surface, whether you like it or not. Maybe it's something to do with my soul, a flaw or something, but like I said I try to focus on the positive.

So I'm sitting here thinking about the show that I was watching earlier, Aqua Teen Hunger Force. It was an episode where the group & Carl decide to deep fry a cow in a huge deep fryer (I know, silly as shit). After they deep fry the cow, Master Shake leaves the vat of oil in the middle of their damn lawn, and Frylock yells at him to get rid of the thing. So after trying to put it off on Carl, they both find a solution: dumping it irresponsibly in the forest. This part struck me for one reason, and one reason only. The oil stood out to me as a metaphor for the way I always seem to approach life even though I hate to admit it. I always claim to be up to huge tasks, but I find either shortcuts to get them done or I cop out with a bullshit excuse...and it's driving me crazy. Why do these lazy patterns seem to fuck up my life? I have dedication but...sometimes I lack motivation, just like Shake lacked the motivation to get that shit out of his lawn lol...

And that's why I'm fucking blogging at 1 AM in the morning about nothing really. I really think I'm on the close edge from collapsing into insanity...Only time will tell...



1 hunnit

-BLACK SUNN